Where do I begin? Eighteen years you have been a part of my life, longer if we count the 41 weeks that I carried you and created your life. I cannot believe that I have not spent your last two birthdays with you, instead, I spend them thinking of you, weeping for you and sitting at the park in the exact spot that I held you as you transitioned from this world to the world where you now exist. I am numb today, the words do not want to easily flow. Perhaps I am exhausted from my journey with grief, perhaps I just cannot fathom another year without you and yet I have no choice. No choice but to continue my journey. I know there are so many people that are here for me, I know that they care and that they loved you so much but yet I feel that I am doing this journey alone. How can any of them know what I feel? They cannot and I cannot find words emphatic enough to explain. So rather than dwell on my grief and sadness, I chose to honour you and your memory. I choose to include you in everything I do. You are always with me and you always will be. Saturday we will gather for your party, we will be at Grandma and Grandpas’ with Auntie Keri and her brood, Brad, Evelyn and your closest friends. Of course, Evelyn will be bringing you your favourite chocolate cake. We will think of you in celebration, we will remember you and talk of all the things you did and how special you will always be. Have the happiest of birthdays. You celebrate as much as you can. I love you so very much and I miss so much more. Happy Birthday My Monkey.
A Mother's Journey through Grief 
Leave a comment