-
The Start of My Journey
-
24 Months.
The day is here. The day that means you have been gone for two years. With this day, comes all sorts of emotions. I am exhausted. Exhausted from travelling this journey. Exhausted from always having to tuck away my pain and sadness for the world. Exhausted from missing you. Exhausted from living with the guilt of being your mom and not being…
-
Our Second Christmas
Our second Christmas without you. The title is misleading and I have thought about writing this for days; however, each time, I sit to start, I cannot. Is it that I did not want the holiday to arrive? – yes. Is it that I fear acknowledging another year without you? – yes. I just want you here with me…
-
23 Months.
How have you been gone 23 months? Today has been so hard. I am sad, tired and anxious. I keep thinking how I do not wish Christmas to come and yet it is going to arrive. You loved Christmas. You loved the decorations, the tree, and setting up the Village. I could not put up…
-
November – Passing 22 Months
This month was 22 months and I could not sit to write anything to you on November 2. It has taken me this long to gather the courage to turn my mind and really let the length of time sink in. To really feel it. It has taken me these couple of weeks as I…
-
Every Day
Every day. Every single day, I must complete the same routine to make others comfortable. I am the one left with the pain of the most significant loss one will ever experience and yet, I am the one that has to be considerate for others. I often ponder this and there are no answers. I…
-
Death is Permanent
We all know that death is permanent but when you are so involved with your grief and your grieving turns from shock to the reality of your situation. There is a profound shift.The realization that you will never see them again hits hard. Harder than it did when their death is still fresh. You spiral…
-
Struggling
I sit here today and I seem to only be able to cry. You being gone for 21 months has hit me harder than any of the other angelversaries. I do not know why. It snuck up on me and it has pushed me back in my journey. Is it that your being here is…
-
21 Month Angelversary
My beautiful amazing boy. It has been 21 months. I still cannot describe what it felt like to lose you to others. It was excruciating, and I felt numb at the same time. My heart screamed and yet my mind was silent, covered in a fog. I cannot seem to put it into better words,…
-
Survivor’s Guilt
July 2 came and went. I was anxious on the first and weepy but I was managing, it was a work day and I was able to push aside everything I was feeling. July 2 arrived and it was a work day, I woke with thoughts of you, I talked to you and told you…
Got any book recommendations?
A Mother's Journey through Grief 